One evening as I was surfing the internet I came across a blog I found inspiring. It was one I knew I had to share. The author is Sherri Campbell, PHD. The title The 10 Understated Qualities of a Truly Beautiful Woman. The 10 qualities are: Elegance, Kindness, Composure, Courage, Confident, Deliberate, Intelligent, Humble, Honest and Loving. They seem pretty obvious and self-explanatory but her definitions were actually food for thought.
Elegance, The first image I get is of a wealthy woman in a lavish environment. However after reading Sherri’s description my image morphs into a less monetary description and into a woman who is self aware and confident no matter her financial status in life. In Sherri’s explanation of elegance she states ” To be elegant is to be strong and assured in who you are and to move gently within that energy.” I’ve read the definition over and over , tattooing it into my mind. Elegance is strength and the beauty in which you express it.
Kindness, No you don’t need to be Mother Teresa. Although it is true that how you treat others in actions, verbally and mere thought is how you are judged. It can be a true test of your kindness when the situation is the most difficult. Sherri wrote “Being kind may be perceived as weakness or vulnerability by others, but you know that kindness is one of your strongest influences. If you can’t say something nice, you have the control to remain quiet.” Knowing who you are and being able to reflect that in your daily life is truly influential. Her statement also reverberates what you were told growing up, if you cant say something nice then don’t say anything at all.
Composure, Self-control. Definitely not always easy. In some of the most difficult situations where you just want to scream and lash out keeping control over your reactions creates a challenge. In that moment the phrase “less is more” is truth. The less you react , the less control you give over to the situation and the more strength you gain. In her blog she states, “Having composure allows you to stand tall with grace in the face of loss or challenge and not to be overly boastful when it comes to your success.” So even in moments of glory, managing your bravado shows great composure.
Courage, Courage is challenge. To push yourself beyond your comfort zone is one of the scariest and exhilarating challenges you will ever face. In her blog, Sherri explains how your courage in any circumstance helps you grow. For one individual it could be public speaking and another could be overcoming a tragedy. Either way looking into yourself and finding the ability to carry on with your head held high strengthens not just your character but strengthens your soul.
Confident, Pretty self explanatory but how is it achieved? According to Sherri Campbell’s blog, being self-loving and self-aware with a dedication to self-development aides your personal growth. This gives you the tools for success. Being confident is being positive. Knowing that some times life will throw a curve your way but knowing your strengths, you will survive.
Deliberate, I have to say this one at face value confused me. Somethings I guess you just need spelled out for you. What she means by deliberate is to be clear and persistent in your life. This action keeps you focused on your goals and the path you need to be on to achieve those goals. Being deliberate lets others know what your intentions are without putting on a façade. This allows others to trust you and believe you have nothing to hide.
Intelligence, Its not just Academia. Intelligence is also about knowing your emotions. As Sherri explains, knowing your emotional patterns allows you to make smart decisions and the flexibility to handle any change you encounter. It also reflects in your outward appearance creating a more confident image. She ended this definition with, “With a well-rounded intelligence you carry yourself in a stately and unafraid manner. In being emotionally intelligent you have the ability to keep your eyes on the bigger picture turning obstacles into opportunities. “
Humble, Its not all about you. That’s right, being humble means your not center of attention all the time. The accomplishment of others is what’s important. Being in the background and allowing others to shine without the need theatrical outbursts. To quote Sherri, “You enjoy your life for what it is and do not feel entitled to more without the commensurate work to back it up.” Just as in Composure, overly boasting your successes is the complete opposite of humble.
Honest, Honesty is not only being honest with others but also, and most important, be honest with yourself. Similar to deliberate, being honest means you don’t have any hidden agendas. Your focus is being positive and showing everyone your real self not changing to accommodate others just to be accepted. By being honest you are not only saying you are reliable but also caring and understanding.
Loving, A loving nature begins with like everything else, loving yourself. Demonstrating your love and honesty to others is the true mark of a beautiful woman. It shows in the happiness you bring to others. However just as in kindness, its easy for others to take advantage of you. Sherri points out that in negative situations remember to put yourself first and acknowledge that sometimes its ok to remove someone from your life if they are toxic. It is ok to keep them in your heart, you can even continue loving them but not have them apart of your life.
As you read through this list please visit Sherri Campbell’s blog for deeper descriptions and inspiration. Always remember that no matter how much you want to care for others, you come first. If your not healthy and continually learning about yourself then you are not able to care for others in honesty.
Sherrie Campbell, PhD
Veteran, licensed Psychologist